When I look back through my journal entries I can see a big difference between the lack of faith that I had at the beginning of my healing journey and the trusting faith that I have developed over time. I can clearly see that my journal entries were full of one stressor or another, pressure from my family, work, my relationship and even pressure from myself and I realise that I was like a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. My inability to trust God only meant that I carried all the weight of my burdens on my frail and already stooping shoulders. I am sure along the way that I was told to stop and slow down by many caring people, I was no novice to the doctor’s waiting room or the counsellor’s chair, and my body often screamed at me in various ways to take things easy but I was too blind or too conceited to think that something would happen that “all mighty I” couldn’t deal with. I was practically begging for a wakeup call and God gave it to me with icing on the cake!
How would things have been different if I had possessed a more intimate relationship with YHWH that enabled me to trust, lean and rely on Him more fully? How would I have felt if I had known what I do now, that He really does care for me, wants to carry my burdens and has plans for my good? Yes, I would have still faced some of those same problems but others would have not occurred because the way I would have handled the situation would have been different because what I knew to be true would have been different. Many if not most of the stressors we face and the stress we experience is down to the fact that we do not trust in God as we should, this causes us to act in ways which are contrary to His word and Divine will for us leading us into a bigger state of worry and stress.
I sometimes think about how good and kind YHWH has been to me in the midst of all my pain, worry and disobedience. For example, my husband Eke and I once visited a friend’s church and the spirit moved some of the female members of the congregation to pray for me. It was such a beautiful and healing experience where I felt totally overwhelmed by the presence of God; as these women surrounded me I gave in and let the Holy Spirit take my brokenness up to the Throne of Grace. Afterwards, one of the women came up to me and told me what she had seen whilst she had been praying for me. She told me she had seen a crystal clear stream or a river, teeming with fish by a lush riverbank, and although I didn’t understand it straight away a little while later I began to understand. God was giving me a healing vision. He later confirmed this vision through various scriptures; God was showing me the healing place that He would lead me to. One aspect of this vision can be found in Psalm 1 verse 3:
And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. (KJV)
Jeremiah 17 repeats the same image:
For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreads out its roots by the river, and shall not fear when the heat comes, but its leaf shall be green; and shall not be anxious in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.
The security and fruitfulness of this tree relates back to the concept of trusting faithfulness or ‘emunah’, it is a promise repeated time and time again in the pages of God’s Word that He will not abandon those who wait in, hope and trust in Him. Irrelevant of our pain and sufferings these words confirm that YAH plants His people in a fertile place to bear fruit and prosper in their allotted time. I really just want to use this to minister to you wherever you may be, He has not forgotten you and neither has He forsaken you, believe that He really does have plans for your good and welfare and witness His faithfulness in your life.
You can read earlier extracts from this book here